Directed by Craig Gillespie. Starring Anton Yelchin, Colin Farrell, Toni Collette.

I remember the 1985 Fright Night by director Tom Holland. You know why? Cause it was fun. It was wild. And because it had this really hot scene where the vampire (Chris Sarandon) makes out with this topless woman near a window. I still remember her breasts. Of course there was also the inimitable Roddy McDowall as the TV vampire killer who reluctantly helps out young Charley Brewster (William Ragsdale) with his ‘real’ bloodsucker neighbour. This new Fright Night pales (white as Twilight’s Robert Pattinson) in comparison.

Yelchin (Star Trek) plays young Charley who suspects his hunky new neighbor Jerry (Farrell) is a vampire.

The same old crucifixes, stakes, holy water and sunlight-is-bad-for-vampires deal figures here. But it’s so bloody boring. Farrell looks good but is bland as hell as the vampire. I remember Chris Sarandon in the original was so debonair and simultaneously feral. He makes a cameo appearance in this film though which is the one and only good moment for a fan of the original movie.

I wasn’t scared one bit. Not even the music sent a shudder down my spine. In fact, the score and soundtrack are muddled and lack identity. There are whole bits of the movie with absolutely no eerie music or sound effects to convey an atmosphere of fright.

Scottish actor David Tennant as Peter Vincent is slimy, filthy and repugnant. Even more so than Farrell’s vampire. Perhaps the roles should have been reversed.

This film goes on for two hours with horrible dialogue, a threadbare script and zero scares or thrills. There’s not even a scene with boobies. Alas, they do not make them like they used to. Oh and the 3-D sucks!