<Review by: Sailesh Ghelani> 

Directed by Josh Trank. Starring Miles Teller, Michael B Jordan, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell, Reg E Cathey, Tim Blake Nelson

I’ve put the year in brackets in the title considering super hero franchises are getting rebooted faster than you can say, ‘Faster than a speeding bullet!’

All those studios that own Marvel properties need to return them forthwith. Because clearly only Marvel Entertainment knows how to make a Marvel film.

In this third remake of the movie franchise for Fantastic Four, the writers and director felt the need to change the origins story. They also made all the characters younger – as is the fashion just like The Amazing Spider-Man movies – and stupider. They’ve also kept the pacing so slow that you only really witness them being ‘fantastic’ in the last 15 minutes of the film. Perhaps this is to set them up for lots more sequels. Alas, that will probably not happen considering the trashing the film has gotten from critics and audiences alike.

It starts off interestingly with little Reed Richards and his buddy Ben Grimm experimenting (no, not with each other) in the garage with some contraption to teleport matter. Then it whizzes forward to high school Reed Richards (Miles Teller) and best pal Ben (Jamie Bell), who both look far older than their parts demand. They’re picked up at their school science fair by Dr Franklin Storm (Red E Cathey) and his adopted daughter Sue (Kate Mara) to continue their inventing, but on a larger scale with the help of Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell). Oh and the token black guy (Michael B Jordan) is Dr Storm’s real son Johnny but he’s only there to make the grouping more politically correct. If they really had balls they’ve had made Reed Richards black (oh sorry, African Amerian)!

There’s some shit about saving Earth by teleporting to another dimension where only four of them end up going because of course the chick in the film is inconsequential right? Ya sure she gets powers but it’s pretty shitty they left the girl behind considering she was the one who helped build the teleportation machine!

So now they’re powerful and the military makes them do stuff and Reed Richards, after running away, is brought back and helps them go back to the other dimension where they find Doom who didn’t make it back the last time and is now changed as well. He’s scary no doubt but the ridiculousness that follows is just a slap in your face after you’ve sat through all the garbage and nonsensical dialogue: “Amazing, it has no expenditure”!!

The special effects in some scenes look akin to a 90s role playing game and the suits they give the heroes look like discarded ones from some other bad super hero film.

Frankly, I think we’re all a little tired of these super hero remakes and making them younger and younger. Can we please have some intelligent, geeky, dramatic and engaging super heroes played by actors who have some soul and wit about them? That would be fantastic!

PS: There’s no mid-credits bonus scene nor is there any bonus material at the end of the credits other than a slide telling you how many people worked on the film almost asking you to pity the movie but really just punching you in the face for having sat through the long list of people who worked very hard to make this stupid film. They truly are fantastic!