<Round-up by: Sailesh Ghelani>
2013 was the year of 3D films. I saw some brilliant ones and some disastrous ones. Films that used 3D to their advantage like the re-release of Jurassic Park, a great film in its own right and films that used 3D just for the sake of it. Of course the fantasy, sci-fi and horror genres are the ones that most benefited from 3D but barely a handful utilised it to their advantage. Horror, in particular, has failed to unglue itself from the tried and tested clichés that have made each new offering utterly predictable.
I must say that I’m happy the weight of those 3D glasses has reduced over time but they’re not always consistent at all the theatres. A lot more testing and quality control needs to go in to this technology for us to truly immerse ourselves in the medium.
When I tell you my Hated films of 2013 I’m sharing the ones that didn’t impress me even though they were hyped to do just that. They’re the ones that just tried to cash in on 3D without thinking about a unique story. Films I didn’t like were the ones that tried to ‘remake’ classics but only ended up sullying the good name of those old films. And they’re the biopics that got everything wrong about some of the greatest visionaries of the century!
ps: I may have missed a couple of films this year and have seen only India releases so if they’re not on the list please go ahead and comment on your favourite/hated films
1) The Hunger Games: Catching Fire: Starve me, I hated it!
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire movie poster
So it’s here, the sequel based on a popular series of books that will undoubtedly be hailed as the victor but I for one will stand apart and say this was the most boring films I’ve seen all year.
There are always some films or rather ‘premises’ that will do well no matter how good the quality of the material is.
I have to say that I didn’t really think the first Hunger Games movie was ‘brilliant’. In my opinion there was nothing special or unique about the material. I wonder if you have to read the books to understand or fill in all the blanks. But a good film based on a good book shouldn’t be one where you have to refer back to the source material.
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2) Ender’s Game – A bad sci-fi movie that promotes violence to children!
This sci-fi film based on a popular and award-winning novel by Orson Scott Card is yet another tiresome walk into space. But the film looks more like it’s lost in space.
Do you remember After Earth? And Will Smith’s irritating real life son (Jaden Smith) playing his onscreen son battling the elements while a perfectly good Will Smith is just sitting in a chair through most of the film? What’s with these films with kindergarten kids saving the world? Is it the whole Spy Kids thing?
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3) The Fifth Estate – Did the film festivals not watch it before screening it?
The Fifth Estate movie poster
The Fifth Estate is a muddle with metaphors that are ridiculously portrayed and a story that says absolutely nothing about an issue that shook nations.
This was the opening film at the Toronto International Film Festival 2013 (read lots more about our coverage of TIFF 2013 here). And films that open the festival have often gone on to win big at the Oscar Awards: Silver Linings Playbook and Argo being examples.
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4) Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters – A dull Harry Potter rip off
Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters movie poster
I don’t remember the name of the first Percy Jackson movie but I do remember watching it almost three years ago. Tad late for a sequel but perhaps they thought it’d fare better now there’s no more Harry Potter. Their bad!
The moment they mention Camp Half-Blood you think of the Harry Potter series and Hogwarts and all of that. I’m not a huge fan of Potter or the films but I know that Percy Jackson’s promoters simply wanted to cash in on the kids and fantasy craze. It’s a decent enough rip off I guess but so dull and with such a lacklustre group of kids at the helm I’d have forgotten this film by next year or next month.
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5) JOBS – Utterly dull, messy and poor filmmaking
JOBS movie poster
JOBS is one of the worst films I’ve seen in a long time. Not because it’s gotten the story of Apple founder and legendary genius Steve Jobs wrong but because I’ve seen student films with better scripts, editing and coherence than this movie.
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6) World War Z – As dumb as the zombies
World War Z movie poster
World War Z has gotten its publicity mainly for the fact that is it produced by Brad Pitt and has gone way over budget at $400 million. I’ll be an un-dead zombie if I could tell where they spent all this money.
You’ll be forgiven if you can’t tell who any of the named cast members of this film are. I didn’t either. Sure, you look at some of the faces and go: “Seen him before somewhere…” and then you wonder why this film with only one big star has cost so bloody much.
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7) After Earth – You wake up!
After Earth movie poster
It’s true if you disregard the director credit you’ll probably think this film isn’t that bad. It’s just not very good either.
M Night Shyamalan has gotten a very bad name across the globe with movie duds like The Happening, Lady In The Water, The Last Airbender and not since his Sixth Sense and Unbreakable have we seen any hint of his twisty mind brilliance. Perhaps he just got lucky on those two. Even Signs, as slow as it was, evoked… well signs of some greatness. But such is his reputation now that Columbia Pictures and Sony decided to omit his name from all promotions and leave the credits to the end of the movie.
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8) Oblivion – Yawn!
Oblivion movie poster
For a much-anticipated sci-fi film this one hugely disappoints with its unoriginal plot and dreary storytelling.
When you go to watch a Tom Cruise film you know that you’ll get a certain quality and level of consistency both with his performance and the movie. Now the quality in Oblivion is up there in terms of the look and background score (by M.8.3 and Anthony Gonzales), but not even the stirring music can evoke any emotion for this lacklustre and predictable movie. Even Tom Cruise just being Tom Cruise like he is in all of his movies isn’t enough.
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9) Texas Chainsaw 3D – A bad formula slasher flick
I hadn’t watched the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre or any of the previous remakes/sequels of this 1974 film so I watched the original and it gave me the creeps. The new one cuts out the word Massacre from the original film title and decided to make Chain and Saw one word. They also remove anything scary or disturbing from the first replacing it with a bit of gore and some skin show.
What’s with horror films nowadays? They’re al so generic and formula (read our review of MAMA for more on that) that you can’t just about predict what’s gonna happen next. Don’t these filmmakers have any original ideas or do they think that following a set pattern (young virile teenagers being slashed off one after another) is the way to go.
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10) Jack The Giant Slayer – ‘Bean’ there seen that!
Jack The Giant Slayer movie poster
Better than Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters but not half as good as Snow White & The Huntsman (Yes I loved it, so F* off!), this retelling of Jack and the Beanstalk tries to be different but ends up being as formula as you can get.
Fantasy is in big time and so are super heroes. Well at least if they’re not being original, Hollywood is sticking to classics to fill the void of their writer’s block! Loads of fairy tale movies have invaded our cinemas, all promising to magically transport us to Neverlands, Candylands and Enchanted Forests. I for one only liked Snow White & The Huntsman because it was wonderfully told, beautifully imagined, with CGI that actually created a magical environment and inspite of having the utterly irritating Kristen Stewart it gave us a Snow White that could kick ass in a story that was truly original and inspired yet keeping the essence of the fable intact.
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