<Review by: Sailesh Ghelani>
Directed by John Gulager. Starring Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd.
If your only excuse to watch this film is the promise of bikini clad women with large breasts bouncing up and down or that the first Piranha film was watchable with decent 3D then be warned: Piranha 3DD is one of the worst films you’ll ever see.
Critics on Rotten Tomatoes give it 12% and the audience gives it 29%. I don’t always agree with RT but this time they’re bang on and the audience agrees. The only reason I’d want to watch this film was the advertised hot bikini babes with big breasts even though I’m ‘not really into girls with big breasts’, which is a line from the movie, by the way. The first Piranha film was fun in a silly sorta way, mocking the tragedy genre and mixing it up adequately with enough sex and humour to get by. Piranha 3DD clearly had no script, no real actors, no direction and you’ll see me more breasts at KFC (but don’t visit, they cut down lots of trees to make their packaging; horrible company!).
Basically about the opening of a big wet water park in a town near Lake Victoria where the last piranha attack occurred, Piranha 3DD is supposed to lead up to a huge carnage at this over bloated swimming pool but actually just dives over the deep end of disgusting and senseless.
I won’t bother getting into the characters or ‘actors’ because there are none. The only one you’ll be interested in is probably Baywatch star David Hasselhoff who plays himself as the guest lifeguard at the Big Wet Water Park. Yes they’ve made him say things to the effect of: ‘I’ve hit the bottom of the barrel’ alluding to his gig at the park but I think deep down inside he knows it’s about sinking to new lows by being in a film this bad. And it’s not even so bad that it’s good. Piranha 3DD is inane. People in the pool, wading through it only knee deep, don’t even get out when the flesh-eating fish invade. They just stay there screaming and wading.
There’s even a tasteless scene where a little girl is crying over the body of her dead mother and the crooked park owner who’s fleeing the scene with his cash throws some notes at her. He then backs up in a golf buggy over the girl and her mother: ‘thud’!
So cheap is this production that when the piranha are blown out of the water the filmmakers could only afford to spare a couple of model fish to be thrown out of the water. So while the CGI fish lead you to believe there are hundreds under water, you see about three flying out of the water.
I think the extra D in the title isn’t for bra size, it actually stands for ‘Disgusting’. This is truly one film that I can safely say should never have been made; no not even direct-to-DVD. They should give the money for the proceeds to save marine life or something. Ah well, that wouldn’t help much though.
Watch David Hasselhoff’s plea to Indian audiences to go watch this film: