Directed by Tarsem Singh. Starring Henry Cavill, Stephen Dorff, Freida Pinto, Luke Evans, Mickey Rourke, John Hurt.

Apparently actors Henry Cavill and Luke Evans were floored by Tarsem Singh’s energy and vision for the Immortals. And while the film does do better than this year’s mega-flop Clash of the Titans, it’s still predictable and rambling.

Greece may be in need of their popular mythical Gods right about now. But it won’t be Titans or marauding humans they’ll have to take on it’ll be their worsening financial crisis. But I digress. Immortals goes back to ancient times when the young Gods of Mount Olympus (Olympians) swore after their battle with the Titans (older gods), which they won, that they would never interfere in human affairs. Even if survivor Titan King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) is hell bent on killing everyone in his path to find the mythical (isn’t everything) bow that will help him… break through a wall!

The beefy peasant Theseus (Henry Cavill, who will play Superman in the new Man of Steel movie directed by Zack Snyder of 300 and Watchmen fame) lives among the Hellenic people being quietly trained by the God Zeus (Luke Evans) in human form as an old man (John Hurt) just in case. Of course Zeus doesn’t think this is interfering but later on when his children decide to help humanity, he kills one of them!

The virgin oracle – she needs to be a virgin if she has to have prophetic visions – Phaedra (Frieda Pinto) may know where this bow is and so she must evade Hyperion but then she stumbles on the hot peasant Theseus and doesn’t want to be an oracle anymore (wink-wink, nudge-nudge): “I want to see the world through my own eyes,” she tells Theseus as he begins to deflower her. Easily one of the most laugh-out-loud moments in this film. You may laugh at some of the headgear too. Or you may marvel at Japanese costume designer Eiko Ishioka’s unique styling, which at times distracts you from the story, which is pretty wafer thin.

300 was a violent film but the blood and gore was almost artistic. In Immortals it just seems cartoonish. The 3D is alright but you know it can’t make up for an average script. Rourke is suitably menacing as the barbaric leader of a ‘monster’ masked army. Cavill isn’t bad either but when you see him jump up on the battlements of the great wall and give the obligatory ‘inspiring’ speech you’re not stirred because it’s so meekly written. For me, Mel Gibson in Braveheart giving that speech was by far the benchmark.

There’s an interesting battle scene at the end between Gods and Titans (zombie-like rather than God like) but there’s no real grandeur. There’s also no fun.